Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
