living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Randomize
