"it" just moved
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
