I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
