Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
