I wanna bring you to show and tell
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
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