That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize