Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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