I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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