you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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