I'm so fucking centered right now
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
