so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize