I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
