If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
