I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize