I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I want to make a zoo with you.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
