Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
