How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize