Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
