these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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