you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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