he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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