2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
