i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
