its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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