We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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