What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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