i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
