You're my little dorito
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
