Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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