there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
