if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
wanna go halves on a baby?
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
