tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
You need Xanax blowdarts
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
