he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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