So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
