I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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