I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
