I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize