im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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