This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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