Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
