Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
