At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
