I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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