There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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