my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize