Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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