Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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