eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
