Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
