I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
