pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
