that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
I did not marry a roomba.
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