Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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