i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
