I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
