Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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