Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
