I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
