On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
