Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
