Do you still have your period?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize