I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize