My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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