Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize