You're completely useless in the revolution.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
