Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
