I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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