I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
im holly from the hills drunk
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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