i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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